ceremonies

Mourning and remembrance

After the funeral, set times of mourning help families grieve and remember.

Islam

Three days, and iddah for a widow

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happens

Mourning lasts three days, when relatives and neighbours bring food to the family. A widow observes a longer waiting period of four months and ten days. Prayers and charity continue on behalf of the dead.

why

Grief is natural, and the Prophet ﷺ wept for his son; but mourning should not turn into despair, and patience is rewarded.

origins

Three days and the widow's period: Bukhari 1280 and Qur'an 2:234. Gatherings on the 3rd, 7th or 40th day are cultural customs in many regions; scholars differ on them.

Christianity

Memorials and All Souls

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happens

Families hold memorial services and visit graves. Catholics pray for the dead, especially on All Souls' Day (2 November). Orthodox Christians hold memorials on the 40th day and on anniversaries.

why

Love continues beyond death, and believers pray in hope of meeting again.

origins

Prayer for the dead in the early Church; the 40th day recalls the 40 days between Jesus's resurrection and ascension. Wearing black is a European custom from Roman and Victorian times.

Judaism

Shiva, shloshim, kaddish, yahrzeit

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happens

Close family sit shiva for seven days at home, receiving visitors. Mourning eases after 30 days (shloshim). Children say the Kaddish prayer for 11 months, and the anniversary (yahrzeit) is marked each year with a candle. Visitors leave small stones on graves.

why

Grief is given structure: intense at first, then a slow return to life, with lasting remembrance.

origins

Joseph's seven days of mourning for Jacob (Genesis 50:10). The meaning of the stones is uncertain: a lasting sign that someone visited.

Hinduism

The mourning days and shraddha

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happens

Mourning usually lasts 10 to 13 days, with rituals and offerings to help the soul on its way, ending in a meal for family and priests. Each year, shraddha rites honour ancestors, especially in the fortnight of Pitru Paksha. Mourners often wear white.

why

Honouring ancestors and helping the departed soul find peace.

origins

Ancestor offerings go back to the Vedas; the length of mourning differs by community.

Buddhism

7th, 49th and 100th days

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happens

Families make merit for the dead on set days: the 7th day in Theravada countries, and every 7 days up to the 49th in Mahayana and Tibetan traditions, when many believe rebirth takes place. Ancestors are honoured at festivals such as Obon in Japan.

why

To share merit with the departed and support them in their next life.

origins

The Tibetan teaching of the bardo (the in-between state) of up to 49 days; East Asian ancestor customs.

Sikhism

Sahaj Path and Bhog

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happens

Family and friends read the whole Guru Granth Sahib over about ten days (Sahaj Path), ending with a Bhog ceremony, kirtan and langar.

why

Comfort comes from the Guru's words and the community.

origins

The Sikh Rehat Maryada.

customs

The 40th day

Kept by Orthodox Christians and in many Muslim and African communities; scholars differ on its religious basis, and much of it is cultural.

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Candles and lamps

A light for the soul: the Jewish yahrzeit candle, Catholic votive candles, Hindu and Buddhist lamps.

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regional

China and East Asia

Qingming, the tomb-sweeping festival, when families clean graves and honour ancestors.

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Japan

Obon, when families welcome the spirits of their ancestors home.

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culture

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suggest

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